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An elderly gentleman walked into an upscale cocktail lounge. Well-dressed, with a flower pinned to his lapel, he cut a suave figure. Seated at the bar was a fine-looking lady of a certain age. Relive the history of the world in 27 dumb jokes. One night, while we were out for supper at a Mediterranean restaurant, my sister-in-law had a question about one of the appetizers.
Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she phones him, furious. When he answered the door, he found a six-foot-tall cockroach standing in front of him. The bug grabbed Norm by the collar, punched him in the eye, threw him across the living room and then ran off. The next day, Norm went to see his doctor to have his bruised eye examined. The burial service for the elderly woman climaxed with a massive clap of thunder, followed by a bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder.
Walking along the beach, a man finds a bottle. He rubs it and instantly, a genie appears. Instantly, the car appears on the beach. Discover the fascinating origins of seven classic jokes.
Growing up with a curious younger brother and a sharp-eared dad led to some memorable conversations as a teenager. One afternoon, I decided to clean a purse of mine by throwing it into the washing machine—spring cleaning and all that. A farmer sees a chicken strutting across a rural highway. In other words, how many chicken does it take to change a light bulb? Submitted by Isaac Sargent.
I was staying in a hotel where the towels were so thick that I could hardly close my suitcase. Curious, he went to the store and handed the ticket to the owner, who headed to the back of the store before reappearing. A Dubliner proposes to his girlfriend on St. Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor. Why would you post that sign? I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween. He bit himself. Submitted by Christina Melton. Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank? Submitted by Janet Winkler. A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a parrot.
The plane takes off and the parrot orders a Glenlivet, neat. The businessman asks for a Coke. Give me my scotch!
Later, they order an other round. She made a mistake, however, when she accused her neighbour George of being an alcoholic after spotting his pickup parked in front of a bar one afternoon. George ignored her and walked away. Submitted by Chuck Welch. Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. Submitted by Fred Meckley. A man is recovering from a minor surgery when a nurse comes in to check on him.
Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out.
A few minutes later, he asks again—still no reply. Do you want to get a drink? Q: What do you call twin police officers?
A: Copies. Submitted by Tyler Meason. The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up.
His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens. A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. I kill their plants and I love mischief. And what, may I ask, are you? What is my relationship deal breaker? Being broken up with. Submitted by Jennifer Estlin.
Moved by the church service, the richest man in town stood up and addressed the congregation. I had only that single dollar, and I had to make a decision: Give it to his worthy cause or keep it. So I gave him all the money I had. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a millionaire today. Change is inevitable , except from a vending machine. Submitted by Robert Gallagher. I was at a Canadian Tire, chatting with the young woman at the till.
Editorial Reviews. About the Author. Robert Strand has 40 plus years of pastoral experience. Buy Live Fully, Laugh Often and Don't Forget To Let the Cats Out!: Read 3 Books Reviews - ermasypic.tk Live Fully, Laugh Often and Don't Forget to Let the Cats Out! [Robert Strand] on ermasypic.tk *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. A teaspoon of laughter.
I started a couple of weeks ago. I was driving my three-year-old granddaughter, Nevaeh, to daycare one morning after a heavy snowfall. Violators will be extracted.
My father-in-law, Paul, lives on a farm near Wynyard, Sask.